Curse of Being a Wallflower

I was flipping through the Utah Statesman when I found this gem. If you have seen the actual movie PERKS of Being a Wallflower you will understand that it was kind of a curse. I thought it was a great movie, for a hipster…It was definitely a heart wrenching tale of a boy with a past that comes out shockingly in the end. I would recommend seeing it with caution. The movie had some great twists and turns, and that is what I LOVE in a movie, so kudos to Chbosky. The movie is overflowing with modern day drama of a kid getting the crap kicked out of him for same sex attraction, and girl and boy problems, death, and than the major twist at the end. If you feel like a trooper go ahead a see it. All I could think during the whole movie is how we need to be kinder to those around us no matter who they are their and their life choices. We don’t have to make their life choices but we can treat them with kindness. For those who are friendless, the odd ones out, many may view you as a “curse” but don’t worry there is always going to be a “perk” behind the typo.


Blind Date Manipulation

One of my favorite things to do is manipulate people into doing weird things… I usually egg it on because I know they wont really follow through. I was proven wrong. This Sunday there were some visitors in our kitchen, and honestly they looked so cute together, but SHOCKER, they had just met. I couldn’t just let a match made in Heaven get away like that so I decided to play cupid early this year and tried to set them up. It was not your conventional set up. I told them I would supply a one hour date if they both agreed to show up Wednesday night. I told them it would be the most creative date they had ever been on. I was definitely awestruck when they both said yes. The boy then turned to the girl and asked her out, just like a gentleman should…After that, all I could think was what did I get myself into!? In the midst of crunch time of the semester I now had to plan a date, that I wouldn’t even be going on. Joke was on me and my love for manipulating situations. So today I went out and bought two boxes of ice cream, did I mention I don’t even eat ice cream (#lacosteproblems). I figure I can let them make ice cream snowmen with carrot noses and all. I know they will have to get there hands dirty, but don’t fear I for saw this problem and addressed them to wear short sleeves. All I can say now is if they end up doing the whole fall in love thing, I better receive credit or something, at least name their first born after me. (Clare can work as both a boy name and a girl name) Well I better go get ready for my big date tonight!

That I am supplying for someone else, don’t worry I will see if I can creepily take some pictures and get some good quotes…


I am not a huge reader, as you all know my talents lie within the television sector… Instead of listening to my favorite rap songs to get ready in the morning or watching the Colbert Report from the night before on my beloved hulu+ account, I decided to listen to Tina Fey’s book BOSSYPANTS. It is not a book for the “innocent,” there is some crude language, but her story of making it to the top is riveting. I appreciated that she was the one speaking on her audio book it really put in her personality.  I literally “LOL’ED” at some of her stories. I loved hearing how she voyaged through hairy workplaces to get where she is today. She always stood up for herself, and it has paid off. She has changed comedy as we know it, and Sarah Palin…. Overall its a great book, inspiring to know you can end up in “higher places” if you shoot for your dreams… If not, at least you had a good time.

Double The Trouble

Photo by clarebeardareOn Saturday I got to see one of my companions that just got home a few months ago. She was my companion during my third transfer. We only got to be together for one transfer, because apparently we became too good of friends… We were known as “Double the Trouble.” She taught me so much about life and about her culture. I love this girl more than anything. She is an inspiration to me and a true sister. I am so proud of her for finishing her mission the way she did. I know it was not easy, but this girl did it! She conquered the odds and changed lives. As you would say in Tongan Language she is my “tita.”

I will always attribute her to my developed perception of being happy. Through our transfer together, she had had some terrible things happen, and she was going through some major trials. What impressed me was her ability to be happy through those things. I know it was not easy for her, but she did it. When I think things get hard, I remember the things my companion taught me and apply them, and then life is not all that bad.




Today marks my ONE YEAR of being home. Time just flies, and I cannot believe how far I’ve come. A year a go I had set goals, made plans and had my life all set…Today, I look back and realize most of those have fallen through. However, I am as happy as can be because the Lord has a plan for me, an even better one. I have been able to see so many blessings in my life from serving a mission. It was hands down the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but a day has not gone by without thinking of the lessons I have learned from serving the Lord. It was an experience that has set me up for success. As I look back at the things the Lord put me through it is starting to make sense. I had originally been called to Albania, but He needed me to go elsewhere. I was MAD, because I had spent so much time learning that insanely hard language. Now I can see that there were people in Rochester, New York that I needed to take on tour, people I needed to teach, and missionaries I needed to befriend. The end of my mission came earlier because I had been so sick. It is something at the time that had distressed me to no end. Something I was so worried about, has just proven to work out. I want to post some of the most influential pictures from my time with a name tag. Feel free to just look and/or read. Ask questions to if your interested 🙂

While in the Mission Training Center I became very sick and was unfit to leave the country. It was devastating to know I would not get to go to Albania, to continue with the Elders and Sisters that I had come to know and Love. It was hard to know I would not be a “Motra.” One of the Elders gave me a letter for when I got to New York. He had said that “Once a Motra, Always a Motra.” Albania will always be part of my heart, even if I have never seen it, I will always be a Motra (Sister).


This is my Mission President Jack R. Christianson and his beautiful wife Sister Christianson. They are two individuals that are dedicated and willing to serve the Lord. Both taught me to fill my potential, the power of repentance, and the importance of reading my scriptures. There were many times when I had to rely on President and his decisions. At times I found them curious when it came to companions, but in the end he had worked it out with the Lord and they knew what was right for me in the end. I am grateful for their sacrifice for serving, and President still owes me a round of golf!

This was one of the first families I had the pleasure of teaching. Daniel taught me to love the Book of Mormon. He had led a life that didn’t fit the norm. He had spent most of his years in prison. He had reminded me of the brave men in the Book of Mormon that had rough lives, but chose to change them. He taught me about repentance, and faith. His baptism was a big deal to him as he said “Most girls get big days, they get weddings. But I get an even bigger day, a baptism and a birthday!”


Not everyone gets be a SITE SISTER! My favorite part of my mission was giving tours. I met thousands of people from all over the world, and I was able to take them through the sacred sites in Palmyra NY. The major thing I learned from serving as a site sister is that members of the church need to be uplifted. It is not only those who are not of our faith that need to be taught, but we are all his children. Many times I have heard that Site Sisters are viewed as “less” because they are not teaching to baptize. What Elder Costa taught us was you can count the seeds in an apple, but you can’t count the apples in a seed. This was proven to me time and time again. I love the knowledge I gained, and that I was trusted with the most important part of this gospel, the Cradle of the Restoration.


I learned the value of a child. I learned that Heavenly Father loves them no matter what.I learned so many things of what to do with my kids, and many things I would never want to see a child go through. Children are truly innocent, and they are so intelligent. It gave me a drive to help kids who have nothing. To understand that I was a privileged child, and that I should never be selfish with the things I have. No matter what these kids go through there is always someone looking out for them, their Heavenly Father.


I was supposed to finish my mission in July of 2011…and yes that is John Wayne and sparkling cider…Things didn’t turn out that way. I finished on November 16, 2010. My biggest fear was that people would not think I had served a “full” mission, or a “real” mission. What I have come to learn is that I did, I did what the Lord asked me to do. I finished everything he needed me to do. I can’t believe it has been a whole year. I am humbled to have had the experience. It was PERFECT for me. He led me through hard times and good times. I had amazing companions. I loved each one of them and learned so many good things from them. I know that Heavenly Father loves me. I finished the Book of Mormon in the Grandin Building and prayed about it, and came to know it is true. I know that if we pray answers will come. I’m grateful for the blessings I have received.



They supported me through the entire thing, packages, letters, and prayers. I am the luckiest girl alive. I am happy to be back with them.


Uncle Bret and His Infamous Chocolate Milk

I am a lucky girl. I want to introduce you to someone that brightens my day, his name is Uncle Bret. He was born with Down Syndrome, and it has been a blessing to many. Ever since I was little I have always been excited to see him. Most of my favorite memories come from moments with him. Yesterday I was working on somethings at my grandparents house. He came and sat next to me and said that we were “Pals.” He gave me a big hug and then just sat with me. A lot of the time I can’t understand what he is saying, and I don’t always know what he is feeling. What I do know, is that he is loving, and caring, and that he is a child of God. A memory that I will never forget happened when I was still in elementary school. My parents were out of town so my grandparents and Bret came to take care of me and my unruly siblings. While my parents were gone, I had slammed my thumb in the car door on a cold winter night. It was excruciating pain. My grandpa took great care of me, but Uncle Bret never left my side. He kept saying “you back better now.” He had brought me the LARGEST glass of chocolate milk in the world. Receiving a glass of chocolate milk from Bret is his highest way of showing his kindness and love. As Thanksgiving pulls around, and all of my family comes into town, I’m excited that he is part of my family… “A perfect body is not required to achieve a divine destiny. In fact, some of the sweetest spirits are housed in frail frames. Great spiritual strength is often developed by those with physical challenges precisely because they are challenged. Such individuals are entitled to all the blessings that God has in store for His faithful and obedient children.” —Russell M. Nelson, “We Are Children of God,” Ensign, Nov. 1998, 86–87

My First Lead Climb

Today I miss rock climbing. As I am frequently referred to now as “bootstrap,” I have been unable to climb. The rush and the thrill that come from these rocks is indescribable as my brother Max would put it. So today I just miss it.

This picture was taken this summer in Boise Idaho with my brother Alex. The rock was a little shaky and it kept breaking off. So I did not get to lead climb an entire wall, but he let me practice clipping in. You can see it is a big jump, but when you go for it you usually get what you want.

Persistence Baby!


Mercy From My Mates


In my earlier post about my spur of the moment surgery I had mentioned how my mother was unable to come attend to my every needs… I don’t think I realized how much help I was really going to need after having my foot torn to pieces. After my initial doctors appointment, I had thought to myself, oh my roommates are great they will help me. The one in the picture has her CNA, and so she would be a professional. They had all agreed to help me out. I don’t think they had ANY IDEA what they were getting themselves into. I have never been so impressed…My roommates literally waited on me day and night. One of them even cleaned out a bowl I had puked in, now that is true charity. My roommates had set up a schedule to come and switch my ice out every two hours throughout the night and to remind me to take my painkillers. I can not imagine how hard it was for them to hear an alarm at 2 am and have to get out of bed to bring me ice. I was so humbled, to see that they were true disciples of our Savior Jesus Christ. It may sound silly, but the acts of kindness they performed for me will forever be engrained in my mind and hold as a testimony of charity. They had put my needs before theirs, and sacrificed their time and wants to help me. I know that my recovery could have been awful if it was not for my roommates selfless acts and my neighbors willingness to help (even to shower…don’t worry I declined). I would sign any waiver for any future husband that these are good women and that they would be well taken care of.







This is me about 30 minutes prior to surgery…I can say I did not look this great 24 hours after… But I know your not judging me (said no one ever)… I had my surgery done at the Logan Specialty Hospital. The nurses were great, trying to set me and my brother up with all of their single family members, classic for us “old” single Utahans. I just wanted to point out some of the things I said while coming out of anesthesia. They were classic… At one point the Doctor came in and I started yelling, that a zombie apocalypse was upon us, and that we needed to get out of there. You can tell, the humans verse zombies week played a number on me. My second highlight would have to be when I rolled over and saw an icon on the computer that said “Thin Client.” I almost burst into tears, I shouted “I can’t be a thin client, my foot is too fat!” I just kept saying, “where is the fat client one?” Obviously society has played a major role on my body image, stupid People magazine, which my grandma reads religiously. I’m proud to say now that my foot has lost its post-op weight, and I can once again be considered a “Thin Client.” Miracles Happen.

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