The Ag-Gag Selfie

It is a well-known fact amongst my friends that I am not an animal lover in any way. I would literally have two sets of quints before letting a dog or cat (and maybe a fish) into my house. I don’t judge others who do, it is just a love I never developed. The closest I get to animals is Pinterest, and yet I sit here, questioning YOU Idaho… This congressional session was a waste of time. You literally passed the “Ag-gag” bill. The Huffington Post perfectly summed up Bill SR 1337. This bill “would make it a crime, punishable by imprisonment, to simply photograph or videotape abusive, unsanitary or otherwise unethical activity on a farm. Even employees and journalists who take photos or video to document misconduct on farms — whether it’s mistreatment of animals, food safety hazards, worker safety violations, sexual harassment, financial embezzlement, or environmental crimes — could face criminal prosecution if the bill is passed.”

I decided to write the world a letter… from Elle Wood’s Perspective

Dear Mr. Law Writer:

I recently took a tour of a dairy farm, and I was preparing to post it all over my Social Media when I got a tweet that said the “Ag-gag” bill had passed. First I was like AS IF! How could they do this to me right now? I needed this to up my Klout Score. I just want you to know Mr. Law Writer by passing this law you are totally infringing on my freedom of speech and the press, and cramping my lifestyle. Honestly,  in MY life, I document everything. When I took a tour of dairy I knew I would definitely be Instagramming it. If I didn’t Instagram it, I would run the risk of it “never really happening” because I did not document it to my followers. That is like SOCIAL SUICIDE. As I was walking through the dairy, I was totally trying to capture some good selfies, I was so upset though. Every time I went to capture this moment some cow would photobomb it. Not only the cow, but it’s owner with a cane hitting him! Ugh it’s called a selfie for a reason. At first I didn’t let this bother me, because I just kept thinking I would have another chance to get the perfect profile picture for Facebook. At the next stop, I went to take my soon to be viral picture, and it was photobombed again! This time it was a one of the workers jumping up and down on the cows back while blindfolding them. Seriously?  Can’t we make a law that bans people from photobombing? That would be much more beneficial. I tried like 5 more times and was never successful, I couldn’t even believe that these people would dare to ruin my pictures. It was super stressful, but I decided I just wouldn’t let it bother me… I would just let the world see and hope they only focused only on me! Obvi, no one cares about the cows it’s about the meat and milk. So driving home I started to Instagram my day. Ugh to my distress, people started texting me and calling me and told me that I can’t post things like that. I was like WTFREAK? I am just posting what I saw on my tour and I am being punished… I decided that ORANGE was not my color (and the prison thing scares me, I’ve seen Shawshank…) and so I deleted my pictures. Devastated that a WHOLE day had been wasted, I sat down to write you this letter. So Mr. Law Writer, I just want you to know if you see any of my pictures, I am sorry… I didn’t even mean to, I had no idea what was going on in the background of my selfies (seriously let’s talk on that photobomb law).

#love

Your Super Concerned Citizen

Okay, that was a satirical approach, a joke, sarcasm… But seriously? This law is a joke. The problem here is not the people filming, it is the ABUSE that is happening. Shame on you for trying to cover it up. I deserve to know what happens to the animals I am potentially going to eat (sorry PETA, my Dr. says I need to gain weight). You as our Government have power (or so you think) use it for good! I mentioned some real things in my fake letter, why are we not upping the punishment for animal abuse or texting and driving. I know I don’t know everything about this law, but what I do know… Is it is not humane… I hope that the next time I am taking a selfie, that none of these animals being abused show up in it and I end up being punished for capturing the moment….

(C)LV-B2014